Ain't It Peculiar...Ain't It a Shame?

by Sally Rudoy

As I was on the treadmill at the gym the other day I was listening to my iPod. Set on random shuffle mode, the iPod tossed up a sequence of songs remarkable for their coherence of theme. To my aerobic mind, the internal DJ of my iPod that day was moved to comment on the perplexing irony of couple-hood. Why do we hurt the ones we love? Why do we stay too long in relationships that are no good for us? In short, why does love stink?

Working with couples psychoanalytically I look for themes, patterns of interactions, attachment styles, and the ways in which a couple interpersonally regulate affect. I try to communicate these observations to the couple with a jargon free, lively language that, I hope, will reverberate with the deepest levels of their experience of how they give and receive love.

iPod-tethered as I was there on that belt to nowhere, I realized I could never articulate the conundrum of love more viscerally than those that were serenading my aimless journey. Two "ainty" songs coincidently played in a row. They captured the pattern familiar to songwriters and couple’s therapists alike of loving someone who is depriving or downright cruel.

For your consideration, I submit Marvin Gaye’s version of "Ain’t that Peculiar" and the B52’s, "Ain't it a Shame.” Click on the links below to hear the songs. Read along with the printed lyrics. Ain’t they got it right?

AIN’T THAT PECULIAR sung by Marvin Gaye

(William "Smokey" Robinson/Marvin Tarplin/Robert Rogers/Warren Moore)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CfpzePp5y8s

Honey you do me wrong but still I’m crazy about you

Stay away too long and I can't do without you

Every chance you get you seem to hurt me more and more

But each hurt makes my love stronger than before

I know flowers go through rain

But how can love go through pain?

Ain't that peculiar

A peculiar ality

Ain't that peculiar baby

Peculiar as can be

You tell me lies that should be obvious to me

I've been so much in love with you baby till I don't wanna see

That the things you do and say are designed to make me blue

It's a dog gone shame my love for you makes all

Your lies seem true

But if the truth makes love last longer

Why do lies make my love stronger?

Ain't that peculiar

Peculiar as can be

Ain't that peculiar baby

Peculiar ality

I cried so much just like a child that’s lost its toy

Maybe baby you think these tears I cry are tears of joy

A child can cry so much until you do everything they say

But unlike a child my tears don't help me to get my way

I know love can last through years

But how can love last through tears?

Ain't that peculiar

A peculiar ality

Ain't that peculiar baby

Peculiar as can be

Ain’t It a Shame B-52s

http://www.4shared.com/audio/-riB68Om/07_The_B-52s_Aint_It_A_Shame.html

(Cindy Wilson, Ricky Wilson, Keith Strickland)

Flying saucers could land

And it wouldn't make much difference to my man

I could walk aboard and thank the lord

And leave this damn town in seconds flat

Check my bags and never come back

Oh, our love is

Like a fuse that's burned out

Oh, our love is

Like a fuse that's burned out

Oh, I've been unkind

Not like you

Ain't I ashamed

Being misused

Oh, our love is

Like a fuse that's burned out

Oh, our love is

Like a fuse that's burned out

I liked your Chevy Duster

I liked your brand new trailer

I liked your color TV

But you looked at that color TV

More than me

More than me

Oh, our love is

Like a fuse that's burned out

Oh, our love is

Like a fuse that's burned out